Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Motion to Strike as Unresponsive!

The decompensation of certain chowhounders is near complete.
The innocent poster tries:

Mom went to this place in Fountain Valley/Westminster and said it was really good. B/c she has no real reference point for Thai, I wanted the hounds opinions before I venture out there. My usual is Thai Nakorn, but I'm willing to give the underdogs a shot.

And the swift, oh so Chowhoundian response?

Never been, in fact never heard of it.

If I have to travel that far south for Thai, it's usu. Nakorn for my Thai fix.

Recently, I came across a Thai place in Irvine in some Sam's Club strip mall that had really good Pad Kee Mow, don't even recall the name of the place, unfortunately. Nothing that'll make to actually drive to Irvine, but if I'm ever in the 'hood ...

How tenacious! Normally, if someone had no experience with a place under discussion, they would just KEEP FUCKING QUIET! Not on Chowhound though. Why let a little obstacle like that get in the way of blathering?

Saturday, April 15, 2006

When hackers attack! Chowhound gets punk'd!!

Although there is nothing particuularly clever about this, it is nice to see the Chowhound board get some of the negative attention it so richly deserves. The irony here is that the normally swift Draconian hand of the mods didn't get rid of the following sooner. Please enjoy the following attack post in all it's unedited glory. Not that much dumber than many of the legitimate Chowhound posts, actually:

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Iron Fist in the...well...Iron Glove

The mods at Chowhound can be severe to the point of abusurdity. Orwell would have proud of this bit of recent control-freak hilarity.

The innocent, seemingly appropriate query:

Does anybody know any good items at sushi places that are usually not put on the menu? I went to sushi with my boss one day and he ordered yellowtail cheek, it was great. I just want to know what else I'm missing. Any suggestions?

The swift and terrible Chowhound smackdown:

If you're looking for general sushi suggestions, please repost on the General Topics board, as we'll be removing non-LA discussion from this thread. If you are looking for recommendations for local restaurants with interesting off-menu options, please rephrase your question. Thanks.

Oh how that "thanks" must have softened the blow to our poor posting person. Alas, no recs for off the menu sushi shall be had without jumping through the hoops of tortured fecundity that is The Chowhound Team.

Friday, March 24, 2006

When bad methaphors happen to dumb people...

This one is hilarious! Courtesy of my new favorite chowhounder "ipse dixit." The sheer awfulness of this alarming attempt at methaphor (or is it technically a simile?) in describing the crab cake at the Water Grill speaks for itself:

Crab Cake: In flavor (if not necessarily in size), this thing is like a hockey-puck on steroids.

Mmmmmmmmm...that does sound delicious! Can't wait to pay $16 for an angry, limp-dick puffed up piece of sports equipment. Maybe it works better in Latin.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Naysaying: Art or Pathology?

Hoo Boy! Don't try to slip any undeserved restaurant praise past "John." He'll pounce like a tiger with IBS and take a short but pungent dump all over your enthusiasm. Apparently, there's a place called the Swinging Door BBQ, and some folks like it. A poster called "Reality Check" did. He even explained with some specificity what he liked about it. "John," who must bristle at the thought of anyone enjoying anything, responded with this tart turd:

My mileage did vary. Bad service, ho-hum 'cue.

That's the whole post. Care to elaborate, cranky? Was the meal served by actual humming ho's? Anyway, thanks for the extremely useful info there, Johnny...

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Locked in your own skull much?

Here's a recent favorite example of the self-involved nature of the chowhound family. A poster called "tommy licoius" seeks some input on the relative merits of two area sushi joints:

we are longtime Sushi Gen loyalists -- how does Sushi Tenn compare?

A delightfully hapless chap calling himself "ipse dixit" provides the following retort:

Sushi Tenn ... for me ... is more expensive and farther away from where I work (downtown v. WLA/Sawtelle). Not worth it IMO.

And the Narcissisum award goes to...
Now I doubt very seriously that this ipse fellow is being charged any more at Sushi Tenn than anyone else, so I assume he meant that Sushi Tenn was more expensive for everyone. But he cannot reasonably believe that everyone else lives and works where he lives and works. His dismissal of Sushi Tenn is therefore irrelevant and of no help to the original poster who, for all ipse knows, might live or work or otherwise frequent the West L.A. area.

The response was of help, I suppose, to anyone keeping tabs on the intricacies of ipse's life and proclivities.

Let the backlash begin!

Hi! The Los Angeles message board is unique among online communities in that it is peopled by a relatively small group of contributers who seem happy to be ruled with an iron fist and to binge and purge an endless cycle of the same narrow range of topics. Operating on a software platform that looks like it was developed on the original Timex Sinclair, the chowhound board specializes in two particularly vile forms of online pathology: The non-sequitur answer to a question and the hysterical moderator power move. Ostensibly a place to discuss food and restaurants, the board tends to deal more in self-centered ego-doodling and bizarre amnesiac repetition. Ironically, the Moderators appear to spend every waking moment of their lives carefully scrutinizing every post for any content that does not fall into whatever thinly defined parameters they feel like enforcing. The slightest variance from the prescribed content brings swift and often brutal hectoring from the staff. Posts are deleted at the drop of a hat.
Over the next months, we will examine pertinent examples of the hilarious and disturbing universe that is the Chowhound L.A. message board. Enjoy!